與一個人白頭到老，真的要花很多心機，仲有最大的忍耐力。

好一個無知的他，徹底的無知。他父母也罵了不知多少遍。我沒有罵的份兒。是他的事，他卻一竅不通，不知怎樣做，也不懂看那份contract。我想發火，卻又無力發火。

我知道，無知不是罪，也沒有做錯事，只是腦筋不懂轉。

於是，由頭到尾，我給他搞點。

好啦，他成家也在緊張他的事，我給他為家人報告一五一十。發現他是道聽途說的人，耳聽八方，很多路邊社消息，卻沒有親自找資料查明。沒有資料和example來support自己，如何幫你自己呀？

我不是專家，我只是努力找資料，black and white，去學習，去了解contract的條文。不要相信別人，只有自己的手和眼睛是最可靠，自己信自己。

我真的要跟一個無知的男人一世？我要照顧他一世？無數無數次，我已經為你辦得妥貼。我想找個靠得住的男人，休息下。女人始終想被照顧一下。卻發現available的男人都是很水，都是豬。有料的男人都已經fully occupied。

真是test緊自己的胸襟。

我還是寫了一封信給她，告訴她我的近況，對當年那件事的看法，順便追她還$$$。毋忘那大拿拿$4000。

但願她仍未搬走。因為我忘記了她的手機number。

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他打電話給我。我開心了一陣子。不過仍是那個結局：不了了之。學stephanie話，我倆也沒有power去complete這一件事。

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有時會恨當年的無知和純情。原來拖手對我來說，是神聖的事。再friend，你可以攬住我，挽手，搭膊頭，就是不能拖手。

就是衰心軟，給她拖了手，衰了兩年，也浪費了兩年。

朋友間看著我這幾年的轉變，especially大學and工作後的轉變。

不同人有不同看法。

和大學同學re-u，大家熱烈討論轉工，工作的多姿多采，有的搬了屋，有多搬了出來住。有個當了空姐，有個開始著皮褸。轉變很大。大家都討論轉變，我開始不能融入話題。她們問我，你呢？還是那間公司？還是那個酒店的男友？還是住在xxx??? 因為我真的沒有太大轉變，她們的興趣話題也不在我身上了。有個笑我，和讀書時沒兩樣，仍很青春。

我bei一聲。

有以前的同事說我開始師奶了。

又bei一聲。

還是做了很耐朋友的朋友看得最透徹。以前我生活多姿多采，現在生活簡單，不過簡單得開心。果然是老朋友呀下。你喜歡現在的我，我也喜歡現在的你呀，能夠容忍我現在變得那麼白痴……

真的沒有幾個朋友開始拍拖/就快拍拖/有chance拍拖，我會興奮咁耐。我承認我有點八，不過未試過八得咁開心。仲開心過當時人。死lor死lor，開始左既話，我會唔會興奮到失眠ga??? 你開始左，千萬不要跟我說呀。

其實我有很多轉變的。熟我的，才知道deep inner changes.

RC scold me in front of all collegues during meeting. She said my anaylsis is totally unacceptable. I compare the wrong products…. i didn’t alert the huge difference….

then my face turns red totally. i am a little bit angry and nervous….wei…. if you want a cheaper product as to save cost, you have to accept the difference ga la…. i have told all of you the differece!!

to be professional, i cool down myself immediately. Continue to report others and make jokes during meeting. Even talk with RC about my daily life when having lunch.

Yes, a little bit angry, in fact. Luckily, I didn’t care it too much. All boss in the world is the same unreasonable and rude. I prepared it already.

before i off, GC ask me not to overtime for so long. her heart is painful when she saw us overtime working….. (thx, but a little bit 肉麻 …) Then she ask me not to place RC incident in heart. Just forget it. She feels 無奈 for us. I said i am also 無奈 but understand the situation.

Originally i think the dialogue between GC and me is over. Unexpectedly, GC use her mobile to call my mobile, asking me if i leave the office already. I laughed and told her that i left already. I got on bus already. Then GC told me the same words:- not to place RC’s rude and impolitness in heart, and her heart is really painful. Then, i couldn’t control myself la…. i cry in bus….. but still pretending nothing and happy through mobile. I told GC that i am okay la, no problem la, duck la…….but i am crying serious on the other side…..

my tears scare my next seat passenger. She didn’t know what to do. Pretending nothing? give me tissue? Hug me? She chose to pretending nothing.

next morning. GC greeted me abnormally. Suddenly, i think GC is really a good boss, only within this incident.

i must admit, quite enjoy the period of 曖昧. the game of 拉鋸 provides me some excitment…..

shopping. eating.

actually i am not sure whether he is a playboy.

of course. i perfer this relationship to be 曖昧下去. never make it real and never put it into mouth….

and one hour each day is already enough for me.

night. we eat together again. weather is so cold. so we crowd together.

time is so long. and of course talk so long. i must admit, quite happy.

i would rather have this experience an hour a day. That’s enough. Don’t tell me more and don’t offer me more. Never tell me your true feeling, and your desire. never never.

He is a “BJ”. fat and not pretty. His behaviour is slightly 難看, always make me 尷尬. sometimes i rather not to go out with him. however i would still choose him. Therefore, i could only treat you as one of my closest friends.

no…… don’t make it real!!!

please, i have made the decision already. please don’t tempt me.

and please, do not put it into words…. it is better we are still friends continously.

i care him so much. better to stay with him forever. you have yours also, we knew.

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if i work in bigger hotels, he would be upset. he said he couldn’t catch me since ever. i know, if i were more powerful than him and earn more than him, he would have “no face”. yes, i know, he is still a man, and he needs recognization and protected self-esteem. Not every man would accpet a wife who is stronger than him.

if i stay here forever, i would be upset, especially i don’t appreaciate the pace of GC anymore. my pace is too fast for GC. somehow the company is averagely small for my development. i know i need a more complex working environment and structure. i need more development. therfore i should go.

again, a puzzle. should i stay or should i go?? every decision needs so much consideration…… life is full of considerations, especially when you need to care more and more people.